So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize