I must be too annoying 4 u.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
