Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
