I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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