Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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