I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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