Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
