my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
