Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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