I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
