Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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