i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
