dude i'm inner monologue high
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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