If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
