my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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