I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
