you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
