I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
