Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
