so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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