thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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