pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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