Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
