You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
