Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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