I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
