I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
