If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
