I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
