At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we should paint friendship bongs
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