i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
