Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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