Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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