I used to practice getting hit by cars.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
