oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
