if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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