Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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