Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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