smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
