The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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