He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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