Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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