No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
