I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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