So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
this will be a night to untag.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
