I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
