Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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