Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
