Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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