I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His nipple licking is glorious
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