good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
