I heard we made out
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
