All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
