i think my tv is drunk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
