you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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