I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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