Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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