AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
