I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
