then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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