where am i from again
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
