how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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