i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
