Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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