Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
