i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
