Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
