Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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