oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
