Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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