I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
