What did we do last night that was yellow?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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